Nudists Have no Fashion Sense

From the hundreds of studies conducted in the past, there are precisely two types of smiles among mankind. One type of a smile is where the eyes are wide open. The other type of smile can’t happen unless the eyes are severely squinted. The latter is usually life-affirming. It is infectious. It is rewarding. It is affiliative. It is polite and flirtatious. People who smile while squinting their eyes will be in heaven. Amara has such a heavenly smile.


I met her through my lovely sibling who, unless learns how to smile while squinting her eyes naturally, may need faith by works to be in heaven.


On Madaraka Day as we were catching up in some pallet-filled furniture restaurant, Amara said she had undergone a breakup. That sounded pretty normal until I found out why.


‘His nose hairs were really long and you didn’t like them.’ I guessed.


‘No!’ She shouted serving her duchene smile also known as the smile of genuinity.


‘He joined the Nightrunners Association in Homabay.’


‘No! He had a knock-knee condition.’ She responded giggling.


Amara couldn’t understand how people exist being single. She had never been single. In medical science, single-stranded DNA and RNA viruses are usually the most lethal and widespread. Talk of parvoviruses that affect rats and corona viruses that affect mostly humans. I think this analogy in science made her distaste being single.


‘He was a nudist.’ She finally stated.


Taken aback, I couldn’t quite understand. ‘We all, are nudists. We go nude in the bathroom everyday or at least thrice a week in the cold of July.’


‘For him, besides going nude in the bathroom, he could go nude in public. He got fulfilled by going nude. But I know he could shower daily even if it was July.’


As a matter of fact, there is a group of people called nudists. Google says a nudist is a person who engages in the practice of going naked wherever possible. Some places in the world, there are nudist beaches and nudist hotels.

The nudist philosophy states that most naturist and nudist groups are all about body positivity and living in harmony with nature. I do not know about you but I find that odd. The fact that there are nudists in Kenya is even unconvincing.


‘Did he get nude for any sexual reason?’


‘None at all. In fact, for nudists, sexual arousal is not part of their inspiration.’


‘How did you realize he was a nudist?’


‘My neighbors used to find him at the rooftop nude. Our apartment concierge met him severally.’


‘Not once did you meet him while exhibiting body positivity and living in harmony with nature as per their philosophy?’


‘Not once. I thought people were bluffing until I asked him and he admitted. I was broken.’


Amara attended sessions of therapy until she was over with. He wasn’t willing to quit nudism.


In the United Kingdom, a group of people decided to assess and analyse the best nudist beaches in Sussex. Among the factors they considered included average summer sun exposure and average wind speed. I wonder what for.


Mpenjati Nude beach in South Africa is a small stretch of Trafalgar beach about 140 km south of Durban, on the hibiscus coast. This is the first nude beach in KwaZulu-Natal and the only official nude beach in the country.


Here are a set of rules from the International Naturist Federation that nudists abide by:

-No photography allowed unless it is of yourself or your own group of friends and everybody agrees explicitly.

-Staring or looking at others is considered rude. Everyone is there to enjoy the beach and do their own thing. (What is their own thing?).

-Always take a towel and do not use other people’s chairs without it. You are on a nude beach in Africa remember?


-Males who experience unexpected erections must cover themselves up. (LOL)

-Only go if you feel comfortable, and are comfortable with others around you being nude.

-Remember that public exposure in a nude beach in Africa is illegal, so be sure to only strip down on designated nudist beaches.

-No suggestive behavior in a nude beach in Africa (one news article put it this way: “swaying of hips is allowed, but pole dancing wouldn’t be if you get our point.”; you must always take a towel with you to the beach (probably to cover any unpredictable ‘reactions’, which are also not allowed).

Nudists have no fashion sense. You’ll never catch a nudist with his pants down. There are no nudists in cold places.


Ladies and gentlemen, behold, the 21st Century.

9 thoughts on “Nudists Have no Fashion Sense”

  1. My goodness 😍😍😍😍I am mind blown… The piece is Beautiful!! Phenomenal!! Exceptional.. And ooohh take me back to the 20th century please😂😂i don’t like it here.. I wanna go home😭.
    I love it Moses.. I really do.

    Reply
  2. Nice piece 💯
    But on the contrary Nudists do HAVE a sense of Fashion.
    It’s simple, Fashion, the sense of it as you’ve said, is subjective as is for beauty, it lies in the eyes of the beholder.

    Reply
  3. Eye opener
    An exploration of nudism and the fears and doubts about nudist lifestyle. An excellent way to open the eyes and hearts to the freedom nudism brings.Moses I found this really interesting normal people do not take their clothes off infront of others….normal is boring..nudists are weirdoes …..weird is good.
    Write on Moses we await the next epistle of joy.

    Reply

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